Haiku for you

I love poetry. I can explicate it well. I understand it.

I don't know if I can write poetry well, but I think after my Advanced Poetry Workshop this semester, I will have built a foundation as strong as steel (Hey-o, poetic simile).

I dislike Haiku. I don't know what makes it good. I just don’t get it.

The basis of Haiku is to capture single moments at a time, without any rhyme scheme and typically involve nature in some form while writing three lines stacked on top of one another with syllable counts of 5-7-5.

The simplistic form of Haiku also inspires drunken recitals while belting out our drunken Long Duck Dong accents (or for those of you too young to know “Sixteen Candles,” think Mr. Chow from “The Hangover”), which is the wrong nation’s accent.

In fact, you have already read two Haiku. Did you catch that?

This is why Haiku irk me. The simple idea of Haiku causes an endless saturation in the poetry realm because it is so easy for people to come up with Haiku off the tops of their head, although not with any kind of success

For instance, this is the following conversation (via text) I had with my friend Michael at 6 am about him getting a dog and while I was I was ending an all-nighter of homework and feeling loopy.

Me: “Top Gun was robbed for the Best Original Song Oscar for, “Playing With the Boys”

Michael: "What are you doing up so early?"

Me: "Who said I went to bed? What are you doing up?"

Michael: "Thinking about drinking all day. A wise man once said, if you are going to drink all day, you have to start early. What are you doing now?"

Me: "Writing a Haiku"

Michael: "Need Help?"

Twenty seconds go by

Me: Help is not needed 

I strive on my own prowess

Continue to drink

It took me just moments to think of it in a 5-7-5 form and capture the moment. Haiku accomplished.

Michael: "I'm not drinking yet!"

Me: The day is short Mike

Take advantage while you can

Intoxication

Again, twenty seconds or so is all it took. Ok, 30 seconds because I had to count my fingers twice to make sure Intoxication was in fact five syllables.

Michael: "You're an idiot" (somehow I think he knew I was counting on my fingers)

Me: This will annoy my friends 

Sending texts in Haiku form

Alas, I care not

I was on fire. 

Michael: "So there's a slight chance I might be adopting a pit boxer mix puppy"

Me: That scares me to death

You neglect yourself sometimes

Poor pooch will suffer

Me: If you took "so" and "puppy" out, that last text is a Haiku

Michael: "Yup, that didn't take long to get on my nerves ...." 

I guess I am not the only one irked by Haiku.

It was a Dictionary, not Elton John, that saved my life tonight.

My freshman year of college-I mean my first freshman year many moons ago-I purchased two books that drastically improved my life.

These two books significantly increased the quality of my homework, padded my social acumen and amplified my intelligence.

I still have these books sitting on my shelf at home as a reminder of the opportunities and prospects rendered by their services that keep impacting me in a positive manner.

Maybe you've already guessed the books to be the Bible and "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret," but you would be mistaken.

Its just two simple books: a Webster's Dictionary and Thesaurus.

These books have made me a better writer, a better speaker and even a better lover… um, I meant speller.                 

Why am I rambling on about these amazing works of reference?

Because I don't think anyone in the social atmosphere of 18-25 knows what either one looks like or how they are used.

In my quest to understand the social groups of the college nightlife, I am irked and embarrassed by my generation's inarticulate vernacular and flaccid vocabulary.

How you speak can elicit many judgments and hamper you socially and vocationally.

Opportunity knocking at your door can quickly turn away due to "like," "fittin'" and "y'all" and it will not hesitate to bolt after the use of simple, uneducated language makes a case for Best Supporting Actor in a rejected role.

We all have a social discourse that we follow with a certain degree of regiment.

When we are with friends, we are not out to impress one another, and talking to family or co-workers evokes that same attitude.

However, a prospective relationship can hinge on the first impression made by how you speak. Speaking in unnecessary slang, using dull, simple language and filling dialogue with fragments only hurts you.

A relationship's success is not based solely on grammar and usage, but it might be nice if that was the case.

Speaking with higher level of intelligence can greatly advance you in the workforce. Talking with a lazy attitude void of any substance immediately pulls you one step back in the effort you are making to move ahead.

You are doing yourself an injustice by not enlisting your learned skills of language and applying them to create a positive reputation.

Words slowly creep up from our guts and into our spines until one day they burrow into our minds where they fester and process.

One day, without warning-"Bow Wow" (my first words)-we start talking and don't stop till we die.

For something that plays such a significant role in the foundation of your personality and communication skills, I hope that you would want to continue to evolve and mature in order to properly present the knowledge you've obtained.

I am not saying that someone who always speaks in a cultural slang or social vernacular is dumb or incapable of succeeding.

I am simply saying that I may not give that person a second chance to prove me wrong and I wouldn't be the only one.

Long in the Tooth, Grey in the Hair

Leading up to the rap concert that took place recently here in Terre Haute, the social question of the week was, "Are you going to the Gorilla Zoe show?"

Confused by the excitement over an anthropology show, I simply asked, "Who is this gorilla dude?"

In response, a baby-faced 21-year-old I work with said, "You don't know who he is?"

(Queue the record scratching and the surrounding audience turning their heads to stare at me in silence)

"Obviously, you don't listen to rap," he finished.

Immediately, I thought to myself about Erik B and Rakim, Grandmaster Flash, Public Enemy and 7th grade when "The Chronic" came out.

As I was about to prove my rap knowledge, it hit me: the rap I grew up on was outdated and unpopular.

I was now socially old.

Suddenly, more gray hair appeared and my trick knee told me my 30th birthday was coming.

The affects of aging have caused me anxiety about 401k ads and intrigue by the new Sears' washer and dryers, but turning 30 in three months doesn't bother me like it used to.

In fact, I am looking forward to the journey and using these five advantages to being older.

1. Simple things in life start to make you happy. 

I walked around campus the other day listening to music and found myself smiling for no other reason than it was nice outside. Those small things really do start to make a difference in the pursuit of finding a life you will enjoy.

2. You shed your social circle.

Although difficult, you will eventually thin the herd of your social and support group. Once you have learned how, it will be more of a relief than a burden. As you grow outside of the classroom, you must be selfish with your time. If you constantly have friends that need you or pester you to be around, it can set you back. Hopefully the people you surround yourself with work as hard as you do.

3. Relationships become easier (kind of).

Eventually you will meet someone who wants an actual connection formed by talking about what matters to you. You will find common interests that are so small, yet build a foundation for a relationship. Honesty also becomes more important, forcing each other to avoid the "games" we play.

4. Candles (for guys), Sports (for girls)

Yeah guys, you will probably learn to appreciate candles. Ladies, if you don't like sports already, you will have probably surrendered just to spend time with your significant other and actually enjoy what you are watching.

5.You can freely irritate those younger than you.

Your age and wisdom now affords you to say, "when I was younger, we had dial-up" or "back in my day, we had to buy celebrity sex tapes on the black market."

You may also explain to everyone around you how much more you know about everything because, well, you are simply older.

Enjoy your time if you are in your 20s, but don't be afraid to get older.

I will wait for you at the shuffleboard court.

Katy Perry=Genius? Stay with me on this one ....

I have had many complaints about the trends in popular music for years, but one of my biggest is the lack of a female generational voice.

We've had a few male artists the past three decades, from acts like Kurt Cobain and Eminem, that captured the music scene (I would like to insert Billy Corgan, but he doesn't get the respect or notoriety) and, now, I feel the emotional tide of a soft tone and pitch slip away to auto-tuned dance music.

Artists like Patsy Cline, Aretha Franklin, Carly Simon and Stevie Nicks didn't pave the path for girls to slut their way to the top with a pair of knee pads and glow-in-the-dark herpes on Saturday Night Live (*cough* Ke$ha *cough*).

These influential pioneers didn't like to tik-tok with a bottle of Jack, have "bad romances" or act "Fergilicious." Instead, they wanted to go walking after midnight, earn a little respect, not care about clouds in their coffee and stand on the edge of seventeen.

So who is to take on the torch that flickers?

The 80s and beyond saw an explosion of female artists topping charts. However, Whitney Houston (damn crack!), Madonna (damn Kaballah!) and Mariah Carey (breakdown) were only followed by the flood gates for more sex appeal that Britney Spears &' Co. ran rampant with instead of relying on talent and quality (this is why Beyoncé doesn't work. Too many image responsibilities).

But I have a nominee too: Katy Hudson.

"Who is that?" you may ask, but you may know her as Katy Perry (stay with me here).

Just a few short years ago, Katy Hudson was a shy teen under contract making gospel records, living a devout Christian life and fighting acne. Fast forward to present day and she is kissing girls and liking it, spraying whip cream out her chest and living a "Teenage Dream."

Coming off as outspoken, controversial and even as a diva, she doesn't exactly fit the mold of those before her, but she is a coke habit and a terrible marriage away from being the Stevie Nicks of our time.

  After seeing her in raw form without the wigs, outspoken attitude and distracting outfits on MTV Unplugged, I was impressed by an unbelievable set filled with emotion, sincerity, and limitless talent (see Fountains of Wayne cover, "Hackensack").

Plus, she supposedly threatened to get pregnant and not tour if she couldn't get a better record deal. Sounds greedy, but musicians make a fortune from touring and fractions of dollars from sales. This sounds like she is someone who cares about the path of her music more than money like Pink did.

Hopefully, this rebellion stage of her life now is filling the void of not having one as a 16-year-old Christian artist. 

As the maturity comes (she is only 24 and she quickly became famous), its possible that her views will expand, her aspirations will broaden and her creative juices will overflow, creating a female artist that fights against the current of conformity and trends.

Besides, it would be a shame to hear her amazing voice wasted on auto-tune and bubblegum pop that has no lasting legacy.

Lamenting Social Interactions

I like to think of myself as a social vampire, sinking my fangs deep into the jugular of 2 a.m. conversations and interactions that result from a communal saturation of alcohol.

What I take from these encounters are critiques about the social experience of college students. Feeling like a drunken martyr, I sacrifice my liver and brain cells to study and highlight the societal gaffes that we continually make.

To begin, I do not believe that we are even engaging in real conversations that pertain to anything relevant. As an employee at both a restaurant and bar, I constantly overhear (ok, I creep on people to listen in) a meaningless discourse devoid of intellect and emotion.

Mainly I hear about the party the night before, a deconstruction of Snooki's outfit on "Jersey Shore" or the framing of the context ex's text from 4 a.m.

Rarely do I hear about a book (other than "Twilight") that couldn't be put down, a fiery discussion about politics or even a simple discussion about what music means to those people. Granted, conversations carom off the situation and audience at hand and, after a night of drinking, important issues take a back seat in our drunken haze.

I don't think of the Bally at 1:30 a.m. as the best place to wax poetic about immigration reform. However, perpetually engrossing ourselves in empty conversations does not help us grow.

Another irritating habit that hurts our social interactions and conversations is our incessant need to be on a cell phone.

I cannot go anywhere without my BlackBerry and use it constantly, but when I am out and about, I try and stay off of it. When I look around at bars, I see a majority of people talking without looking one another in the eye. Instead, they are bobbing their head, perhaps responding but looking into their phone as they text away. I don't understand the point of going out with friends only to talk to the people who are not around.

Texting is a communication that is rooted into our society now and is acceptable at times, but traditional social interaction in college is a way for us to mature in social situations that will help later in our careers and life.

Business lunches won't take place over BlackBerry Messaging.

We won't meet significant others by talking about how many Jager Bombs we had the night before and our social acumen will suffer if we don't expand our views and social groups.

I am not saying it is anepidemic that threatens our livelihood, but as college students trying to mature and prepare ourselves for a successful adulthood, it would be beneficial to us if we set our minds on a higher plain of communication.